By Terri Ammirati, LCPC
Infidelity can be a deeply traumatic experience. To recover from trauma from being cheated on, you need to acknowledge what happened, accept difficult emotions, and be gentle with yourself. Read on to learn how to begin your healing journey.
Key Takeaways
- Being cheated on can have a profound impact, leading to symptoms like anxiety, depression, intrusive thoughts, low self-esteem, and even PTSD.
- Healing begins with acknowledging the betrayal and accepting difficult emotions instead of avoiding or suppressing them.
- Prioritizing self-care and leaning on supportive people can help you manage stress, process your emotions, and rebuild your well-being.
- Remember that your partner’s decision to cheat is not your fault, and rebuilding trust starts with trusting yourself.
- Recovery takes time, and professional support can help you heal, rebuild self-esteem, and develop healthy coping strategies.
After discovering an affair, some couples choose to repair the relationship, while others decide to go their separate ways. In some cases, however, the betrayed partner may feel unable to leave due to financial reasons, children, or fear of being alone.
Whatever the circumstances, infidelity can be deeply painful—and, for many, traumatic.
The trauma of being cheated on can leave you feeling devastated and severely affect your daily functioning. Studies show that 30–60% of betrayed partners experience symptoms of PTSD, as well as depression and anxiety.
Whether you decide to stay or leave, healing is possible. Below are strategies to help you recover and rebuild trust.
Symptoms of Trauma From Being Cheated On
Betrayal trauma can lead to distressing symptoms, such as:
- Anger and resentment
- Guilt and self-blame
- Numbness or avoidance
- Reduced self-esteem and self-worth
- Intrusive thoughts and rumination
- Distrust and hypervigilance
- Physical symptoms (e.g., stomach issues, pain, insomnia)
- Depression, anxiety, or PTSD
8 Steps to Help You Heal From the Trauma of Being Cheated On
Regardless of whether you decide to stay with your partner or move forward, it can take a long time to work through trust issues—from months to years.
Here are a couple of strategies to help you begin your healing journey:
1. Acknowledge what happened
It may feel tempting to avoid thinking about the betrayal or suppress your emotions, but avoiding it can keep you stuck. Acknowledging what happened is an important step toward healing and moving forward.
Doing so also gives you the opportunity to reflect on the relationship more clearly, think about what you want for yourself, and make thoughtful decisions about your next steps.
2. Accept difficult emotions
It’s perfectly natural to suppress emotions such as shame, anger, grief, or humiliation, but avoiding them can slowly make them more difficult to manage over time.
Acknowledging them can make them feel less overwhelming and allow you to develop strategies to manage them more effectively.
3. Reach out to loved ones
We understand that it may not be easy to talk to others about the betrayal, or that you may not even want to. However, feeling emotionally supported can make a world of difference.
Your friends and family can offer a distraction and companionship, even without necessarily discussing what happened.
4. Practice self-care
Spending time with loved ones, eating a balanced diet, exercising regularly, getting enough sleep, engaging in hobbies, and limiting time on social media can all help support your recovery.
Make time to do the things you love and think about your needs for a change.
5. Set aside time to worry
Anxiety, intrusive thoughts, and rumination can quickly consume your day after experiencing betrayal. When this happens, it can be helpful to set aside a specific time daily to ruminate, process the betrayal, work through your emotions, and practice emotional regulation.
Outside of this period, respect your own boundary and take care of other things that need your attention.
6. Don’t feel you are at fault
Don’t blame yourself for the betrayal. While every relationship has challenges, cheating is never a healthy way to deal with them. Your partner or ex-partner chose to betray your trust, and that decision is not your responsibility.
As you reflect on the relationship, approach it with self-awareness and compassion—not self-blame.
7. Rebuild trust
It’ll definitely take time to feel ready to start rebuilding trust. When you do, you can begin with yourself by simply trusting your own feelings and listening to your intuition.
After that, you can gradually begin to focus on opening up to others and repairing, developing, or strengthening your trust in them.
8. Seek professional support
Trauma from being cheated on can take a significant toll on your mental health, daily life, and self-esteem. Processing the betrayal is often difficult, and avoiding it can make healing even harder.
The sooner you begin to confront what happened, the better—and that’s where the support from a specialized betrayal trauma therapist makes all the difference.
If you decide to repair the relationship, couples therapy can help you rebuild trust using evidence-based approaches such as the Gottman Trust Revival Method, a three-phase process designed to help couples heal after infidelity.
And if you need a space to focus on yourself, individual counseling can also help you overcome self-blame, rebuild self-esteem, and develop healthy ways to manage difficult emotions.
Whatever the case, you’re here to support your healing journey. Feel free to reach out to us or get started with a free phone consultation here.
FAQs
Can you be traumatized from being cheated on?
Yes. Experiencing infidelity can disrupt your sense of safety, reality, and trust, leading to deep emotional trauma and affecting your mental health. It can cause symptoms similar to those of PTSD—and some even refer to it as post-infidelity stress disorder (PISD).
How do I get over the trauma from being cheated on?
Many people find that working with a therapist helps them recover more effectively. However, some tips you can start implementing include:
- Confronting what happened head-on
- Accepting difficult emotions
- Relying on your loved ones for support
- Practicing self-care
- Setting aside ‘worry time’
- Not blaming yourself
- Rebuilding trust—first within yourself, then with others
What are the psychological effects of being cheated on?
Being cheated on can erode your sense of safety and trust, causing profound emotional pain. Psychological effects of being cheated on include:
- Low self-esteem and self-worth
- Anger
- Self-blame
- Rumination and intrusive thoughts
- Distrust
- Depression
- Anxiety
- PTSD
How long does the trauma from being cheated on last?
There isn’t a fixed period of time for trauma from being cheated on to subside.
Recovery depends on many factors, including the nature of the relationship, the circumstances surrounding the infidelity, your coping style, and the support available to you. It may take months or even years to fully heal.
About the Author:
Terri Ammirati, LCPC
Terri is a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor, a Certified Gottman Therapist, and the founder of Ammirati Counseling Group.
With 30+ years of experience supporting individuals and couples through relationship challenges, she brings both clinical expertise and the wisdom of real-life experience to her work.