By Terri Ammirati
You’ve just discovered infidelity in your relationship, and you’re feeling overwhelmed, hurt, angry, confused, and unsure of what to do next. You’re questioning everything you once knew, and wondering: can relationships survive cheating? The road ahead isn’t easy, but healing is possible. Here are a few tips to get started.
Key Takeaways
- Relationships can survive cheating, but rebuilding trust requires time, honesty, and consistent effort from both partners.
- Infidelity doesn’t always mean a lack of love—it can stem from unmet needs, emotional disconnection, or personal struggles.
- Cheating can cause deep emotional and psychological harm, including trust issues, low self-esteem, and even betrayal trauma.
- Healing requires accountability, empathy, transparency, and a willingness to move beyond blame and defensiveness.
- Recovery often involves creating a “new normal” and may benefit from professional support like infidelity therapy.
Research shows that around 25% of men and 11% of women will cheat on their partner at some point in their lives—and that marital affairs happen in around 2.3% and 4.3% of married women and men, respectively.
Infidelity is often the main reason that brings couples to therapy. Most are looking for support to work through the betrayal and hurt and stay together. And though infidelity can break many relationships, that isn’t always the outcome.
Can relationships survive cheating? For some, the answer is yes! It takes effort, honesty, commitment, and time—but it is possible. Today, we’re sharing a few tips to help you heal and rebuild trust.
Why Infidelity Happens
The idea that infidelity occurs because a relationship or marriage must be in very bad shape is a common belief, but it doesn’t necessarily reflect reality. There are several reasons why individuals might cheat.
Some of those reasons include:
- Fear or shame regarding sexual preferences or fantasies, and difficulty discussing them
- Having sexual preferences or fantasies met with disgust, disbelief, or judgment
- Anger or revenge after an argument or affair
- Seeking to feel better about oneself
- Lack of love
- Low commitment
- Emotional neglect or disconnection
Psychological Consequences of Cheating
One of the reasons many people wonder whether relationships can survive cheating is that infidelity is such a disruptive event that it can cause significant emotional and psychological damage.
Some of the negative effects of cheating include:
- Intense emotions (e.g., anger, confusion, sadness), which can lead to emptiness, loss, despair, or loneliness
- Mental health conditions such as depression, anxiety, or PTSD
- Trust issues
- Self-esteem problems, leading to self-blame, self-doubt, and questioning one’s attractiveness and worth
That said, the human mind is incredibly resilient and capable of handling hurt. The path after infidelity doesn’t have to be defined solely by pain and suffering—it can also involve personal growth and greater strength.
In fact, it can be a journey toward better understanding your boundaries and needs, whether you decide to separate or stay together.
How to Heal and Rebuild Trust After Infidelity
So now the question remains: can relationships truly survive cheating? From our experience, they absolutely can, but it ultimately depends on you.
It will require time, hard work, commitment, and honesty—and, in some cases, you may even realize that the relationship may not be worth repairing.
However, if you are considering working through infidelity, here are a few of our tips:
1. Ending the affair
It sounds obvious, but the first thing the betraying partner must do is end the affair completely—and cut off any past or potential contact.
It’s best to go all-in on this, even if it feels rigid. Any continued contact will likely retraumatize your partner and make it harder to rebuild trust.
2. Letting go of victim vs. perpetrator
While it is completely valid for the betrayed partner to feel victimized, framing the situation strictly as victim versus perpetrator won’t help repair the relationship in the long run—especially if infidelity occurred in the context of loneliness or emotional neglect.
While you were not responsible for your partner’s cheating, there may have been underlying issues affecting both of you as a couple. Holding onto the victim role or condemning your partner—while understandable—won’t help rebuild the relationship.
3. Listening and apologizing sincerely
If you had an affair, one of the most important things you can do is listen to your partner. Resist the urge to provide solutions, correct them, or become defensive. They are in pain and need to feel heard.
Respond with empathy, understanding, and compassion, and offer sincere apologies. You will likely need to apologize more than once—and words alone may not be enough, so expressing genuine remorse is essential.
4. Taking accountability and letting go of defensiveness
Take full accountability for the betrayal. Even if your partner gets some details wrong, avoid becoming defensive. Defensiveness can make it seem like you are not truly sorry.
That’s not to say you shouldn’t answer their questions honestly. Be open and transparent, but recognize that correcting every detail is less important than acknowledging the harm caused.
5. Understanding betrayal trauma and helping your partner heal
Many people who are cheated on experience betrayal trauma—a form of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) that can follow infidelity. Affairs can feel like an ambush, threatening not only the relationship but also a shared home, family, friendships, and financial security.
PTSD can trigger a constant fight-or-flight response, leading to anxiety, flashbacks, distress, and hypervigilance. It can also bring intense grief for both the partner and the relationship that once existed.
Avoid minimizing your partner’s feelings. Instead, acknowledge, validate, and support them through triggers and moments of insecurity.
6. Being completely honest and transparent
The partner who had the affair must be willing to communicate with full honesty and transparency—even when it feels uncomfortable. There should be no more secrets.
The betrayed partner needs this openness to begin trusting again—but over time, they will also need to accept that complete transparency can’t last forever and that, eventually, trust must be rebuilt without constant reassurance.
7. Going to Gottman Couples Therapy
At Ammirati Counseling Group, we specialize in the Gottman Method, an evidence-based approach with years of research on affairs.
Following a three-stage model—Atonement, Rebuilding, and Attachment—we will guide you toward healing and support you in rebuilding a stronger, more secure relationship.
“It’s a long process, but recovery can work. We found that 75-80% of the couples who went through treatment for affairs were successful even at a year-long follow-up.”
— Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Julie Gottman
Infidelity therapy can help you identify triggers, break negative patterns, and communicate more vulnerably rather than reactively. By working with a qualified couples therapist, you’ll learn to navigate difficult conversations, keep emotions regulated, and keep discussions from escalating.
If you have any questions, don’t hesitate to reach out! We’re here to support you.
FAQs
Can a relationship go back to normal after cheating?
Infidelity creates a rupture significant enough to permanently change a relationship—and that’s not necessarily a bad thing. In most cases, a relationship can’t return to its previous “normal,” especially if that dynamic contributed to the affair.
However, a relationship can absolutely recover from infidelity. Healing involves creating a new normal based on improved communication, trust, and boundaries—not restoring what the relationship used to be.
Can someone truly love you and still cheat on you?
Yes. Infidelity doesn’t always mean a lack of love. People may cheat for many reasons, some of which are not directly related to how they feel about their partner (e.g., unresolved trauma, fear, or shame around desires).
Can you be traumatized from cheating?
Yes, infidelity can be deeply traumatizing—often referred to as betrayal trauma. Its impact can be significant, especially when it comes to trust and emotional safety. Some individuals may develop PTSD or experience PTSD-related symptoms.
About the Author:
Terri Ammirati, LCPC
Terri is a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor, a Certified Gottman Therapist, and the founder of Ammirati Counseling Group.
With 30+ years of experience supporting individuals and couples through relationship challenges, she brings both clinical expertise and the wisdom of real-life experience to her work.