By Terri Ammirati
Do you find yourself constantly apologizing, even when you’re not sure why? Maybe your partner dismisses your feelings, twists your words, or makes you feel guilty for needing space. If you’ve started doubting yourself, it might be more than just a rough patch. We’ll explore 7 common signs of toxic relationships and how to recognize when something isn’t right.
Whether it’s persistent jealousy, constant arguments, a lack of support, or feeling like you’re walking on eggshells every time you speak—you might be wondering, or have already realized, that you’re in a toxic relationship.
Toxic relationships involve a partner who displays harmful behavior that may be disrespectful, controlling, or violent. While no relationship is perfect, toxic relationships are not only unhealthy and emotionally damaging—they can also escalate into domestic abuse.
Abusive vs. Toxic Relationships
While toxic relationships are unhealthy, they aren’t necessarily abusive. They can involve harmful behaviors from both partners—behaviors that may not be intentional but are still damaging.
Abuse, however, is rooted in a need to hold power and control over someone and their behavior. Every abusive relationship is a toxic one, but not all toxic relationships are abusive. Abuse often develops gradually and in subtle ways, making it hard to recognize, especially if the relationship has been toxic for a while.
So, aside from the signs of toxic relationships that we’ll be sharing, here are some signs of abusive relationships to look out for. Abuse can be either physical or emotional, and if you notice any of the following, it’s important to seek help and create a plan to leave the relationship safely:
- They diminish your self-worth.
- You experience chronic stress, anxiety, or self-doubt.
- They isolate you from friends and family.
- They call you names and constantly put you down.
- They physically harm you or threaten to harm themselves.
- They control you financially.
- They use fear and intimidation, and they frequently gaslight you.
7 Common Signs of Toxic Relationships
You might be searching for answers, wondering whether you’re truly in a toxic relationship, second-guessing yourself at every turn, and fearing you might be overreacting. Or perhaps you’ve already left a relationship you believed was toxic, but the pain you’re feeling now makes you question whether it was a loving relationship.
Maybe it didn’t need to end… or did it?
It’s perfectly natural to doubt whether you’re thinking clearly or making the right decision. Romantic relationships involve deep emotions, which can make it difficult to stay objective. Toxic relationships often include manipulation, and when that goes on for a while, it can lead you to believe that you’re the one at fault.
In addition to the signs we’ve already mentioned, here are seven more common signs of toxic relationships:
1. Possessiveness
While jealousy is a natural human emotion, it can become excessive and turn into possessiveness. You might be accused of things you didn’t do, such as flirting or cheating. Or they might constantly try to control what you do and whom you spend time with. This kind of suspicion and mistrust can slowly destroy a relationship.
2. Controlling behavior
They may forbid you from seeing friends or family, or attempt to control where you go and with whom. They might dictate what you wear or constantly check your phone, texts, emails, and social media. Perhaps they even get angry if you don’t reply to their messages immediately or find ways to monitor and control your every move.
3. Betrayal of trust
They may intentionally act dishonestly, including lying to you or others about you. They may also share your sensitive information, cheat, or be disloyal. You may also find yourself lying to them—not out of malice, but to avoid seeing them or because you’re worried about how they’ll react if you tell the truth.
4. Manipulation
Manipulation is a subtle way to influence your emotions and make you act or feel a certain way. They may try to make you think or behave in ways you don’t truly want to. Because it’s often subtle and can happen through passive-aggressive behavior, manipulation is frequently overlooked—or even dismissed entirely.
5. Neglecting self-care
Whether due to your partner’s disapproval or lack of energy, you might let go of certain things in a toxic relationship. You might stop taking care of yourself, ignore your health, give up free time, or lose interest in hobbies you once loved.
6. Guilt-tripping and lack of accountability
Your partner frequently blames you—or someone, or something else—for their mistakes. This could include exes, parents, drugs or alcohol, insecurity, or mental health issues. They may also use guilt to manipulate you, threatening to harm themselves or making you feel bad for “hurting them”.
7. Negative financial behaviors
This can happen in two ways: they may try to control your finances or disregard any financial agreement you previously had. For example, they might spend large amounts of money without your consent or withdraw significant sums without discussing it with you.
How To Leave A Toxic Relationship
If you’re making the decision to leave your current relationship, here are a few tips that might help:
- Seek professional help. A therapist or support service can provide resources, guidance, and help you create a safety plan.
- Consider bringing a friend with you if you don’t feel safe ending the relationship alone.
- If necessary, change your phone number. You can also block your partner’s number and social media if you’re worried you might be tempted to respond.
- Take care of yourself by giving yourself time to heal and space to rest. In addition, make sure to practice self-care and get enough sleep.
- Talk to your loved ones. Seek out family members who feel safe and supportive, and can offer both emotional and practical support. You can explore this with your therapist to identify who in your life might provide that kind of support and help you feel less alone during this time.
From Hurt to Healing: A Support Group for Women Stepping Out of Toxic Relationships
If you’ve already left—or are considering leaving—a toxic relationship, the road ahead can feel overwhelming and lonely. That’s why we’ve created this 10-week in-person support group for women in Deerfield, IL: to offer a safe space where you can begin to heal alongside others who truly understand your experience.
Led by experienced relationship therapists, it’ll allow you to explore tools for setting boundaries, rebuilding your sense of self, and reconnecting with yourself—all while finding strength in community.
Whether you’ve just walked away or are still finding your footing, you don’t have to do this alone.
Does this resonate with you? Learn the group details here or fill out the interest form—we’ll follow up with the next steps. Keep in mind, spots are limited. If you have any questions, don’t hesitate to reach out! We’re here to support you.
About the Author:
Terri Ammirati, LCPC
Terri is a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor, a Certified Gottman Therapist, and the founder of Ammirati Counseling Group.
With 30+ years of experience supporting individuals and couples through relationship challenges, she brings both clinical expertise and the wisdom of real-life experience to her work.